Pronouns Matter

Please stop saying “preferred pronouns.”

Pronouns are not a preference. Describing them that way can unintentionally suggest that someone’s gender is optional or simply a matter of choice.

For most people, pronouns aren’t something they “prefer.” They are simply the correct words used to refer to them.

The phrase “preferred pronouns” also doesn’t reflect people who use multiple pronouns. Some use them interchangeably, some in different contexts, and some experience shifts over time. In these cases, there may not be a single preference at all.

A more respectful approach is to ask:

“What pronouns do you use?”

If someone uses more than one set of pronouns (e.g., he/they or they/she), it can also be helpful to ask:

“How would you like me to use your pronouns?”

Language evolves as communities share what reflects their experiences. Listening to those insights helps create spaces where people feel seen and respected.

Pronouns Matter from Rae Sabine

Email: creatingwellbeingmelbourne@gmail.com

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